No One Can Take Away Your Power Without Your Permission
No one can take your power away without your permission.
Giving away our power may not be obvious when it first happens. It starts with the small boundary that we let go of because maybe we were flattered by the attention he sent our way. When I first met my husband he was quite charming. He was so flirtatious with me that I did not even realize that he was knocking down boundaries on our very first encounter. He decided to invite himself to my girls night out because he could not wait to see me during a time when I was actually available. So CRASH, BANG, BOOM went that first boundary.
The way we desire to please and make him happy can slip into giving our power away. A few months into our relationship, I noticed that my boyfriend wasn’t going to be happy when I booked my trip to the softball World Series that I played in for 7 consecutive years before meeting him. The trip that fed my passion for fun and healthy competition. Softball fed my heart and my soul. He didn’t want to go because he didn’t like softball and he didn’t want me to play softball. It was another boundary I let crumble.
He may have turned out to be a cruel, calculating sociopath in the end, but in the beginning it was ALL me. I let myself dissolve the things in my life that fed my soul in order to please him and make him happy. I let his desires isolate me from my friends because I was not paying attention to my own desires. I wasn’t living in the present moment. I was living in a fantasy land where we were going to get married, have a baby, and live happily. Each boundary that I let crumble and each decision I made sacrificed something I loved or dissolved the fun I had created in my life. This happened because I wasn’t paying attention to how I was feeling. I was only paying attention to his feelings and his happiness. I didn’t value my own self worth. I continued my pattern of giving my power away and it showed up in other areas of my life too. In my other friendships and in my business relationships!
The day my husband put his hands around my throat, I made a decision to never again give my power away. Now, I teach my daughter to stay in her power. I am reading Brad Meltzer’s I am series to Lucy. It is stories of amazing women who were brave as fuck. The other night we were reading I am Sacagawea. The entire book is amazing and makes me cry when I think about her bravery, but this quote was what I resonate with the most and now you know why.
“We can only be what we give ourselves power to be.”
~ Chief Meninock of the Yakama Tribe
This is what I know with absolute certainty.
I am not responsible for your fucking happiness. I am only responsible for my own.
I am not even responsible for my child’s happiness. My happiness simply shines a big bright light so she can learn that it is okay to value her happiness and value her desires.
Our power can be taken away bit by bit until it becomes a habit. Then habits turn into patterns in all our other relationships.
My happiness is the only happiness that I can control. So when my happiness makes you happy, fantastic!
When my happiness doesn’t make you happy, the best way for me to respond is to set a healthy boundary because my self worth is fucking priceless.
If you are ready to take back your power, and shift the patterns in your relationships then sign up for a free clarity call with me and let me and my beautiful horses show you how.
Equus Life & Business Coach