Boobs of Wisdom
Age 17: I am the first in my immediate family to attend college. I am certain that I will never have kids. I will never get married. I will be a career girl.
Age 30: I learn through therapy that the reason I was certain at age 17 that I would never have kids is that I didn’t think I deserved to have them. I was afraid to dream of being a mother because I didn’t think I would be a good mother.
Ages 35: I become a stepmother. I have an amazing stepson. He opens my heart. I realize that I might be a great mother. I allow myself to dream about becoming a mother for the first time.
Age 38: My husband and I agree to have a baby together. We buy the book What to Expect Before You’re Expecting by Heidi Murkoff. Six days later he changes his mind. Six months later I file for divorce.
Age 40: I go on a blind date. It is the best date ever! Early on I make my intentions clear about wanting to have a child. As we get serious, he expresses concerns about the stress pregnancy could have at 40+ years old. My heart aches. Before we make any life altering decisions, we decide to explore our future options. We explore at what adoption might look like. I get my fertility checked. It turns out there is nothing to discuss. My fertility isn’t good. Our combined age puts us into a category where we are just too old to adopt. Time is not on our side. I am heart broken. I decide to freeze an embryo. I investigate this process, sperm donors and all. My boyfriend’s concerns about my health become real. I require radiation therapy for a thyroid issue that I have been dealing with for the past few years.
“When was your last period?” Dr. Liao said.
“About a month ago I think. I should have it by now. Let me check my calendar.” I said.
“I can’t give you the radiation therapy if there is a chance that you are pregnant.” Dr. Liao said.
“Well, then it would be the immaculate conception because my fertility isn’t good and I only saw my boyfriend once this month.” I said.
“Well, how about we do a simple blood test, just for good measure.” Dr. Liao said.
The next day, I get the following email:
“Well, I hope this is good news. You’re pregnant.” Dr. Liao said.
I panic for about 5 seconds. Then I call my mom to tell her the miraculous news. I realize that my destiny has been realized. Lucy Madeleine is a dream come true! I am forever grateful to G-d/The Divine/The Universe for providing and to Dr. Liao for insisting on the simple blood test for good measure.
Now: My family is large and everyone is in love with our beautiful daughter. What I know for sure is that I will never stop dreaming. Dreams can become reality if you do not let fear get in the way. I now keep a dream journal next to my bed. I analyze my dreams to see what my subconscious is dreaming about. Then, I take steps to bring my dreams into my waking life. My life is more joyful with this approach. I notice when the magic happens.
Now, I am not suggesting that you go have a baby. I am inviting you to start questioning the stories that are in your head that are stopping you from making your dreams a reality. Are you living your dreams or is a story in your head stopping you from seeing that you deserve to have your dreams come true? I am inviting you to learn the difference. What I want for you is True Freedom. Click here if you are ready to start your own journey towards True Freedom.